Feel it in the Silence
by Angel16125
Summary: After Janeway and Chakotay return from New Earth then find they must deal with their feeling. will they try to ignore them or will them try to explore them? Third Chapter: coffee at midnight, now up. Thank you to anyone that is following this story. I would love any reviews
1. One look, Dark room

Authors note: This is my first Voyager: Janeway/ Chakotay Fanfiction. This is just an idea that his stuck with me for a while. I would appreciate and comments on it. The idea is to maybe make it longer depending on responses. Also it is part story part song fic, the song fic prat is from Taylor Swift. -Angel16125

Disclaimer: I don't own anything just playing around with them

 _One look, dark room,_

 _Meant just for you._

 _Time moved too fast,_

 _You played it back._

 _Buttons on a coat,_

 _Light hearted joke._

 _No proof not much,_

 _But you saw enough._

Captain Janeway walked around her dark ready room trying to process what had just occurred. Commander Chakotay had left the room only a few moments ago and she could still feel his effect on her.

Ever since they had come back to the ship from New Earth, she tried to tell herself that things could go right back to before they had ever gotten that damn bug bite and therefore virus. She could feel the tension between them from the moment they sat on the bridge and they went about looking over the logs of what they had missed while they were gone.

Janeway tried not to pay attention to how the Commander did his best to never be alone with her. Before they had left they would often spend hours in her ready room talking or taking walks around the ship. Whenever they would talk Chakotay never had seemed too bother with sticking to personal space. Now that they were back she found herself missing his intrusive whispering something in her ear on the bridge, or just getting to eat dinner with him. Now, he rarely even made eye contact with her.

 **But that's what you wanted, Kathryn.** She scolded herself.

She was right, of course. When they first came back she desperately wanted to go back to normal and try to push everything that happen or might have happened on New Earth out of her mind, for fear of what it might lead to. This unfortunately meant pushing him away.

 **But maybe not totally away**. She thought.

Janeway thought about what had just happened. She hadn't even sat down yet. They had been on the bridge when she looked over at him and he was staring at her. His eyes were so penetrating; it was like he was trying to tell her everything he hadn't been able to say in the past few weeks since their return.

"Can I talk to you in private?" The commander said quietly just loud enough for her to hear. She knew it was so she could say no if she wanted to and not feel obligated to say yes just because everyone had heard.

"Join me in my ready room, Commander. Lt. Tuvok you have the bridge." She stood and walked to her ready room without a glance to see if he was following. She knew he was.

When they had walked inside she left the light at their lowest level feeling more comfortable being alone with him if she couldn't see him as clearly. Or more accurately that he couldn't see her.

"Yes.?" He asked with a smile in his voice.

"Chakotay..." She let out a sigh leaving her back to him. How could he be in the mood for joking?

She turned to face him for the first time since entering the room. Even in the dim lighting she could make out his every figure.

"I hate this." She mumbled looking at the ground, feeling ashamed that she was the one who put them in this position.

"You're not the only one Kath-" Chakotay shook his head in frustration. "Captain" He corrected himself feeling like he lost the right to call her by her first name anymore.

Janeway took a few slow steps towards him. "I'm sorry." Wanting to reach out and touch him but unable to bring herself to do so, afraid of wait might or might not happen.

With still a foot between them Chakotay reached out a touched her check with his head. She closed her eyes at the feel of his hand. She could feel something inside her begging for him not to stop.

Janeway opened her eyes in time to see Chakotay close the gap between them and place a soft kiss on her lips. She felt as though all time was standing still. Finally he backed up and left her room leaving her feeling confused.

No matter how many times she played it back Janeway still couldn't believe what had just happened. That he had actually kissed her. What killed her more, was she didn't know the meaning of the kiss.

Was it a closing of a chapter kiss?

Or a I'm still here kiss?

One thing Captain Janeway doesn't like is unanswered questions.


	2. True love

_You can hear it in the silence, silence, you_

 _You can feel it on the way home, way home, you_

 _You can see it with the lights out, lights out,_

 _You are in love, true love_

Chakotay walked out of the ready room and went straight to the turbo lift. He could feel some questioning glances in his direction, but he ignored them as he walked in.

He couldn't believe he had actually kissed her. He had wanted to for so long, but now he had gone and done it. He told the computer to go to his deck as he tried to contemplate what was to come.

Chakotay knew Janeway didn't want to talk about anything that had happened to them when they were away. At first he tried to respect her wishes, she is the Caption after all, but the longer they were back it became harder to dismiss the feels they had uncovered and how close they had become.

He found himself aching to touch her, to lean in and whisper something in her ear. To just be as close as they used to be.

As he walked in his corders, he shook his head hopping he hadn't pushed her away for good. He just wanted her to know, no matter how much she tried to ignore him and what happened, he would still feel for her. Even in the dim lights of her ready room when he could barley see her, he knew it.

Just being near her he knew.

It was love.


	3. Coffee at Midnight

_Coffee at midnight,_

 _The light reflects_

 _The chain on your neck_

 _He says look up_

 _And your shoulders brush_

 _No proof, one touch_

 _You felt enough_

Janeway walked back on to the bridge and sat in her chair. She tried to ignore the absence of her first officer, but he was all she could think about.

She went over some of the daily logs to pass the time. It wasn't until she yawned that she looked at the time.

 **2400 hours, no wonder I'm tired.** She thought as she rubbed the back of her neck.

She stood and walked to the tube lift, leaving the bridge in the hands of the night staff. As the doors closed she leaned against the back wall. She could use some coffee, it always helped he think. God knows she had lots to think about. She headed to the mess to see what was still hot.

The room was dark; everyone not on shift, long in bed. She walked to the back of the kitchen a found a pot of still hot coffee, and a mug. She smiled. Nelix was known for leaving a pot out for her after he finished for the night.

She poured herself a cup and went to find a table.

"Somehow I knew I could find you here." A voice came from the darkness.

Kathryn turned around to see who was there, not noticing anyone earlier.

Chakotay stood up and walked towards her.

Realizing who is was, Kathryn visibly relaxed. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you." He gestured to the bench by the window "Sit?"

Kathryn hesitated but sat down. She scolded herself for not thinking about thinking when she had time. What if he wanted to know how she felt now? She honestly didn't know if she could give him answer.

They sat in silence for a few moments enjoying being near each other, their legs slightly touching.

Janeway took a deep breath and looked up at Chakotay. "If you're expecting me to say something I'm not sure I can say anything right now."

"It's ok." Chakotay said softly pushing a stay hair out of her face.

Janeway looked back at her coffee hoping it would hold all the answers and tell her what to say.

"Hey.." Chakotay put a finger under her chin and gently pulled it up. "Look at me." Their eyes met and he held her face in his strong hands. "I don't want you to feel like you have to say anything. I just want you to know, I'm never going to stop caring for you."

"Ok" Kathryn said softly.

"I should head to bed." Chakotay said as he let his hand brush down Kathryn's cheek and make its way to he hand. "Unless you want some more company?"

"No." Kathryn said squeezing his hand. "I should head to bed too. Breakfast?"

Chakotay smiled. "Of course. 700 hours?"

"Sounds great."

"Ok, I'll cook." Chakotay said. "Good night."

Kathryn smiled and stood up, "Good night." She started to walk out but turned around as he stood up.

She walked back and gave him a quick kiss and was gone as fast as her feet could take her.

 **Until the morning.** She thought.


	4. Fears and Burnt Toast

Chapter 4

 _Morning, his place_

 _Burnt toast, Sunday_

 _You keep his shirt_

 _He keeps his word_

 _And for once you let go_

 _Of your fears and your ghosts_

 _One step, not much, but it said enough..._

Kathryn got up and could feel butterflies in her stomach. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. She had no idea what to expect from this morning. She tried to tell herself it was just breakfast with her first officer, like she used to do all the time, but deep down she knew things were different now and it wouldn't be just breakfast.

As she got ready for her day, Kathryn tried to not think about seeing him. She didn't wanted to show up to breakfast all flustered. As much as she tried to do this she didn't see much luck.

It wasn't far to Chakotay's quarters. This didn't leaves Janeway long to prepare herself for what was to come. As she came face to face with the door it took her a moment to summon the courage to ring his bell. One she finally pushed to pad it took a moment for the doors to open. Just long enough for her to panic that this was a bad idea.

As Janeway made her way in to Chakotay's quarters, she could hear banging around from the side of the room, and could smell something weird in the air.

"Burn something?" She joked.

"Damn replicator." Chakotay's said throwing a burnt piece of toast down.

She couldn't help but let a smile spread across her face as she watched him sigh in frustration.

"Something funny?" He asked looking up at her

Shaking her head she walk towards him. "Nothing. Need help?"

"It was supposed to be all ready when you go here, but now... Its ruined." He said sighing looking at the burnt toast and over cooked eggs. " I'm sorry"

"Is there coffee?" Chakotay looked up confused.

"Yes"

"Then don't be sorry" Chakotay smiled and grabbed two cups off the table and the pot of coffee. They walked over to the couch and sat down. Taking her first sip of coffee a involuntary smile spread on Janeway's face. Chakotay smiled at her, coffee always seemed to be such an intimate thing with her.

They sat in silence while drinking their coffee. Even though it was quite in the room Janeway's mind was screaming. Part of her didn't want to talk about what was to come between them, but at the same time part of her hated unanswered questions and not knowing where she stood.

She turned to him and saw him staring at her, "So.."

"So." He returned.

Janeway took deep breath and looked down, she hated this. She never liked being vounerable in front of anyone, especially a man. She had never been good at opening up to men, which is probably why you haven't had many relationships, she thought.

Chakotay reached over and grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked up and could see in his eyes he knew everything she was thinking. That she was scared of bring vounerable in front or him, for fear it might not work out and he would know too much about her.

 **But this is Chakotay. He's always had your back.** Janeway thought **. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me...**

She stood up, still holding his hand so he stood. "Let's get something to eat other than coffee. Unless you want a cranky Captain." She said with a smile.

Grabbing his jacket, Chakotay followed her out of his quarters.

As they walked down the hall, Janeway let he hand brush Chakotay's as they walked.

She smiled to herself, thinking.

 **Perhaps we'll take a leap, and maybe I won't fall...**


	5. One Night

A/N: Sorry it has been so long since I have gotten a chapter up. I just started a new job (Yey) but that means new shifts to adjust to. I know this one is kinda short but I wanted to get one out before it got too long. You guys are all great! Thanks for reading!

One step, not much, but it said enough

You kissed on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night he wakes, strange look on his face

Pauses, then says, you're my best friend

And you knew what it was, he is in love

It had been three months since Janeway and Chakotay had started dating. Either they had managed to keep it under wraps or everyone was keeping it to themselves and giving the two privacy. Either way Janeway was content.

They had stared spending almost every night at one of each other's quarters so they could be together . She loved lying in bed, reading and looking down and seeing him asleep next to her.

They hadn't talked again about how they felt towards each other. Janeway not wanting to ruin what could be staring, and she assumed he hadn't brought it up, as to not pressure her.

One evening as they laid in bed she could feel him toss and turn next to her as she read a chapter of her book. She looked down at him and found him already looking up at her. She could see so much emotion, and so many feelings in his eyes. He reached up and cupped her face with his hand.

"You're my best friend. You know that right?"

Janeway's just looked at him and smiled. She knew what he was trying to say. She could feel so much love in his eyes. Every doubt in her disappeared as she knew this was real and was truly in love with her.

She could feel all her fears fade away,the ones she foolishly held onto, that this might not work out **. Maybe I can have a happy ending**. She thought with a smile.

"You're my everything." She said, the words she felt, still to hard to say out loud.


End file.
